Long time, no blog post!
It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve returned from my AIESEC internship in India and honestly? I’ve been super depressed.
I had (mistakenly) thought that after 9 months I was finally ready to go home. But being back in Calgary makes me realize that there isn’t much left for me here. I feel so disconnected from the fashion and media industry that I worry if I reached the height of my career in Mumbai. Half of my friends have graduated from university, and the other half are busy trying to get their lives together before they graduate too. All of a sudden, people that I was so excited to see no longer felt a connection with me anymore. I knew it was natural to grow apart because of the distance but I didn’t think it would put such a strain on my friendships and overall mental health.
I don’t feel like myself at all here. I used to be the girl who woke up in the morning, drink a green smoothie, go for a run, and tackle the day. I used to be the girl who came to my 8am lectures 10 minutes early without fail, take meticulous notes, and get an A in the class if it killed me. I used to be in like, a billion student-led and charity organizations. I used to work 40+ hours a week and still have energy to work on my blog. I used to have an active online and offline presence, keeping up with everyone’s lives via social media and going out of my way to attend offline social gatherings.
… Well, I look for every excuse to skip school and I take five depression naps daily (ahh yes, my favourite coping mechanism).
But here’s why I’ve made peace with it:
As Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy so wisely put it,
It’s unrealistic to have such high expectations for myself! Not only is it unrealistic, it’s unhealthy. I’ve worked and travelled for nine months straight, only to go back to school and work some more – just in a different continent. I was having the time of my life in Mumbai, and it’s totally okay for me to mourn the loss of my lifestyle. I’m allowed to feel sadness. To fully feel sadness. Dealing with nostalgia, the humdrum and routine of the real world, reverse culture shock, and of course, the massive credit card bill that goes hand in hand with traveling, can really take a toll on someone’s mental health. You can’t expect everyone to understand because they think you’ve been on vacation this entire time. I’m a huge advocate for self care, and over the years I’ve learned that self care means giving yourself time to grieve. You can’t will yourself to be the happy, driven, ambitious person you truly are if you’re dealing with post-travel depression.
And guess what?
Being happy all the time is a scam anyway!!!
Without the lows in our lives, we wouldn’t be able to truly appreciate the highs, no?
The good news is that I haven’t been totally idle. I’m working as a makeup artist again and I’m trying to get involved in student clubs at school just so I can be around people. Besides, I’ve been working on setting up my studio to create more beauty-related content and building my website even further! Can’t wait to show you guys what I’ve been up to on the blog.
Blog post on how to readjust back to reality to follow!
Hope all is well with you x